Perfect Pets and Couples

By: ShaTea
“My love! Isn’t that poodle so adorable? Look, Nene, he has a cat headband! Aww.” I almost felt my heart burst at the cuteness. I had an extreme obsession for cute things—but nothing compared to my adorable soulmate.
“That’s a cat dressed up as a poodle, Zen.” Nene held out a bag. “Why are we buying all these pet accessories when we didn’t get a pet yet? We need to calculate what type of pet is best for our needs. I saw some can help gather items and souvenirs, or solve mini-games. So don’t just pick a cute one!” Nene crossed her arms. “I know you.”
I nodded my head but kept my eyes glued on the adorable pets. “Yeah, yeah.”
Nene continued her rambling, “I wish I were lucky then I could just win one off Starcrane instead of crafting. Some can even help gather venarites and legendaries. I propose we focus on gathering item—”
“Oh look! That one is a lizard! Says he was ‘Veldora The Great One.’ Look, he breathes fire too! Aww!” I clasped my hands together while cooing over the little red cutie.
“That looks more like a dragon. How are you more active in Anime Metaverse than me, and even I know this reference?” my lovely honey poo Nene deadpanned. “Oh! A mouse that has purple electricity! He’s called Pika Chu Chu 003!” I jumped in excitement while pointing my finger.
“Zen, I swear, are you sure you’re an anime fan? That’s obviously the owner having a dream poke—”
“KYAAA! Oh my god! It’s a…a…talking mochi pet! OMG, it looks so SQUISHY! BABE, THIS MUST BE A LEGENDARY PET!” I shook my girlfriend in excitement as she adjusted her glasses with a frown. The pink bouncing creature pulled at my heartstrings. Its soft slime body jiggled as it peered up at me, and I wanted to crush it in a bear hug. A little emoji face glared with such hatred, I thought of Nene.
“Zen. Out of all the pets we just passed, you want a talking…mochi? Just eat it!” Her lips spread into a menacing grin. “Our pet has to be ruthless and capable of defeating their enemies. A dragon of the highest order to get me my valuable items!” She scared off a few players with a glance—it didn’t help that she was dressed like a swordswoman and liked skulls. So cool.
“But Nene, this will be our”—I squirmed in my wizard’s attire, my face growing hot—“our love child.” I buried my face in my hands. “So our pet should be as cute as you, my love!”
Nene’s face turned an adorable red as she squirmed in her spiky boots and blinked her red eyes at me. Her fangs gave her charm. So wicked, so feisty—just so damn cute! Obviously, a mochi pet would capture her adorable personality.
“Mommy, why is the scary sword lady and that pervert wizard staring at each other?” said a little elf on the street. Her mother quickly took her hand and led her away with a nervous gaze at Nene.
Nene pouted. “Zen, you’re not a pervert. You’re a cute pervert.”
That was a compliment, right? Aw, look at Nene calling me cute! “Yes, yes! And you are the scariest swordswoman ever! You’ll take over the whole metaverse, my love!”
“Heh. I know.” She ran her fingers back through her long black hair and smiled cockily. “I’ll make a legend out of myself.” She stared down at the bouncy pink mochi pet with a cute emoji face. “You sure this is the best pet for us? Not a dragon that could collect venerite or mini medusa or a cyclops pixel zombie king or golden Pegasus?”
“Because…it’s got your cute personality!” I gushed.
“Pfft!” Someone laughed behind us. “Such a weird couple!” A flashy passerby eyed Nene’s body with a lecherous grin. I wanted to take my staff and beat him! I need to pick a discreet place, I guess. Stupid shiny hair, stupid earrings. Who the hell wears a pink suit in a metaverse anyway? So unimaginative! I cursed him, his mother and their irresponsible ancestors under my breath for creating this abomination.
Nene glanced at me. She whispered, “Honey, I can see your yandere side coming out. Let me take care of this. Can’t have you banned from another game.”
“But he was looking at your huge boo—”
“I will kick you,” she said.
“I mean, he was being an annoying bug. What if I just hack him?” I batted my eyelashes at her innocently, mimicking a shivering kitten.
“Babe. I will hit you irl if you land in jail. It’s ok. I’ll just take care of this my own way.” She patted my shoulder and winked.
My shoulders drooped down as I sighed. “Fine…I respect your wish. I just hate vermin looking at your beauty.”
The con man growled, “Hey, are you two ignoring me? I’ll have you know, I’m the best guy here. And you’re scary, but your avatar is hot! You’re really a man living in his mom’s basement, right? Let me buy your avatar. I got a ton of eth.”
Nene’s eyes turned cold as she grabbed her sword. “You’re lucky this isn’t a fighting zone. I will destroy you. Ugh, I hate being a good citizen to people like you.”
“Heh. Nothing you can do about it,” the roach had the nerve to say.
As the idiot talked, I looked at my surroundings for possible blind spots. An idea popped into my head. That was it! The answer to our problems.
Con man sneered, “Just accept my offer, you loser—Hey! What the—” A pink ball rammed into his face and started biting him. “Get this thing off of me!”
“What? Sir Nene Zenny Munchkins the Third likes you. Go on, Nene Zenny Poo! Show him all your love!” I ordered my new pet while pounding my fist in the air.
The mochi pet’s eyes flashed red as it continued harassing the con man. Maybe if we were lucky, he’d drop something. The best pet ever!
Nene watched the bouncy mochi pet go feral on the guy with interest. “Oh? When did we adopt him and what the heck is that name?”
“Well, I wanted to surprise you so I already collected the materials to get this pet. Isn’t he perfect? Cute on the outside, vicious on the inside. The perfect combination. Just like you.” I winked, quietly happy at how it made her blush. In reality, she was a top lawyer with a knack for getting intel from her enemies and making men cry with the face of an angel. The vicious mochi pet was perfect for her.
We stared into each other’s eyes as our mochi went berserk on the roaring player.
“Happy Anniversary, my love.” I said as I heard the sweet agony beside me.
“Happy Anniversary, my wicked bun bun,” she replied with a satisfied smile. Then she frowned as she adjusted her glasses. “Change that damn name.”
“No buts! We also need to calculate if mochi pets could gather items and the yield and—”
I drowned out her words as I watched her work. I wondered if this would be a good time to tell her I bought a puppy in reality. I totally didn’t get it because it looked like a fat marshmallow. Nope!